The Career Encouragement Blog

The Need for Encouragement

I can totally accept that there are times when I am irrelevant.  But it's also nice to be reminded that the work I do is necessary.  

The other evening DH and I were puttering in the yard.  He was watering the 480 annuals I planted last week when a middle-aged man who was strolling down our street, paused, stared, and then yelled, "They'll never grow!"  My husband was a bit taken aback at the force of this unsolicited opinion, and unsure exactly how to respond chuckled politely and said, "I beg your pardon?"  "They'll NEVER grow," the stranger repeated emphatically.  Then he put his head down and hurried on his journey.  DH and I shrugged at each other and went back to work.

Now I realize that winter was long and cold this year, and that spring has been late to arrive to these parts.  In fact, some parts in the metro area had frost as late as last week.  So maybe my investment in annuals was a bit ambitious this year.  But still...to yell at a stranger like that?

I can only assume that some how, in some way, this poor man has recently been missing out on the great joys of living.  Perhaps he has lost a loved one, or received an unwelcome diagnosis.  On the other hand, it's possible he thought he was being helpful.  Perhaps he's a master gardener and he saw us doing something wrong and thought he was helping us out with his dire prophesies.  Or maybe he's just a poor old crank who never had the chance to do good work and be appreciated for it.   Maybe no one ever taught him that one of the most predictable roads to happiness is to a) develop your talents; and b) use them to make a contribution to others. 

Either way, clearly he needs encouragement.  I better get busy!

Random Thoughts on Frugality

I have curly hair.  When it's cut well, it takes relatively little time to style and complete strangers comment on my good fortune to have naturally curly hair.  When it's cut poorly, it hangs frizzy clumps and adds years and pounds to my appearance (neither of which are appreciated!).  As a result I have gotten used to paying for expensive haircuts. 

Then, last year I did the unthinkable and did a walk-in at a "chop shop."   I had been paying $65+ for haircuts at a hoity toity salon, and had experienced 2 bad haircuts in a row.  I figured it couldn't look worse so why not be frugal and save a few bucks?  Lo and behold I lucked into meeting Erica whose chair happened to be empty at the time. She proceeded to give me one of the best hair cuts I have ever had for a mere $24.  I tipped generously, congratulated myself on saving so much money, and went home happy. 

For the past year I have continued to see Erica and I have been pleased that my frugality has purchased such great haircuts.  So last Friday when I went in for a trim I was surprised when the cashier said, "Just a haircut today? That will be $32."  Turns out Erica had her 1 year anniversary with the salon and raised her rates.  So now - for the same time and effort - Erica was going to make an extra $8 per haircut off me.  As I was driving home I was bemoaning to myself that I was going to need to try my luck with someone else again.

Thankfully it struck me how very foolish I was being to even think about switching stylists in the name of frugality!  Erica had been giving me great haircuts for a year, and now I was going to begrudge her an additional $8 per cut? I've spent some time thinking about frugality over the past few days, and have decided that this particular character trait can be a vice or a virtue depending on how it is used. 

Frugality is a vice when our penny-pinching begrudges others the opportunity to earn a decent living.  Erica raised her rates after a year of demonstrating her competence.  She earned the right to increase her level of pay. 

Frugality is a vice when the net effect is one of treating others in a way that we would not like to be treated.  Most employees expect to get a raise every year in their job.  How would you feel if your boss said, "Oh, we'll be hiring someone else because we don't want to pay you more?"  In my case as a consultant, how would I feel if my clients bailed on me every time I had to raise my rates in order to keep up with inflation and taxes? 

Frugality is a vice when it is a close-fisted, self-serving approach to life that would not be a sustainable approach were everyone to do the same.  It's not surprising that most advocates of frugality are generally folks who prefer not to engage in earning activities.   If everyone in society was focused on "dropping out of the rat race," the workforce would be a sad and discouraging place to be.  Thankfully there are many people who enjoy producing goods that benefit others, and who enjoy doing work that creates good jobs for others who need to earn their living.

On the other hand, exercising financial prudence in order to live below our means creates space in our lives that allows us to make wise decisions about how to best use our time and talents to benefit others.  When we minimize waste in our lives we won't find ourselves sticking with a job we hate because we have gotten ourselves into a bind with expenses. Instead of desperate decisions, we'll be able to think more generatively.  I think we can all agree that our world would be better off economically, socially, and even spiritually if all people were able to live below their means and avoid using credit. Think what problems we could attack if  we had the resources currently going to debt management focused instead on creating new products to improve human lives, educating our children better, and serving the weaker among us. 

In my work I occasionally run into people who are on strict frugality plans in order to buy themselves out of jobs they hate.  While I admire their tenacity, I wonder if their frugality will actually result in a life that is happier?  As the Career Encourager, I certainly desire for all people to have work that is fulfilling and productive for the good of society and I hate to see people stuck in jobs that they are not suited for.  But after years of doing this work, I also know that when people stop focusing on "not spending" and instead focus instead on creating a little financial margin in their lives, they are eventually able to shift to work they enjoy more in the process.  It's a more sustainable, repeatable approach that benefits more people along the way.

So next time you are tempted to switch maids, gas stations, barbers, or restaurants because of a moderate price hike, ask yourself if you are begrudging someone else the very thing that you want to have for yourself - a productive and profitable life.

Maybe You Didn't Want the Job After All

Many, many years ago I dated a young man that I was quite enamored with - let's call him Todd.  Todd was interesting, ambitious, and had a sarcastic wit that I thought was hilarious.  Moreover, I considered him my intellectual equal (I know it sounds vain, but in my late teens it was a rarity for me to consider any young man smart enough to keep up with me). 

I have always preferred the tall, dark and handsome type.  Todd was fair, and somewhat rumpled.  But I overlooked his appearance in favor of what I considered to be the more important attributes of his character. I thought we were a terrific match.  So did many of our friends.  Imagine my surprise then, when one evening, out of the blue, Todd put an end to any speculation about what type of future he and I might have together.  He informed me that although he recognized that we were compatible on many levels, and that on the surface of it we seemed to be an ideal match, he simply could not marry a woman unless she was (I will say this in a more genteel manner than he did), quite "well endowed."  I was stunned. 

My biggest regret from that time of my life is that I actually let his comments hurt me for a short time.  Thankfully it was less than 24 hours later that my self-esteem spoke louder than my wounded heart and I realized that Todd had done me a huge favor.  I am SO glad I found out what a shallow jerk he was before I wasted any more of my good time on him. 

Why am I telling this story on a career blog?  I'm sure you've heard the phrase that dating can be like a job interview.  Well this experience certainly has some good career lessons for all of us:

• If you apply for a job, find out what qualifications the potential employer has in mind.  I had no idea what qualifications Todd was looking for.  Because we seemed to be a match on the surface, and I felt so strongly that we were a match, I hadn't fully explored things from his perspective.
• Don't try to convince an employer that you possess qualifications that clearly aren't there.  In my example with Todd, it was clear that I was fit and athletic, but there was no way I could claim to be "well endowed." (not that I wanted to, of course!)  Likewise, in interviewing candidates I have talked to people who try to convince me that they have great sales skills when they left each prior position because "the territories were poorly assigned" or "customer service kept screwing up my accounts."
• Be realistic about what qualifications you are willing to work to develop.  If an HR job you apply for requires PHR certification and you don't have it, are you willing to do the necessary self-study work to take the test and get certified?  If not, you may want to look for other jobs that don't require the PHR certification. In my example with Todd, clearly I wasn't about to go developing the qualifications he had in mind.
• If you don't have and aren't willing to develop the required qualifications, don't be surprised if they tell you "thanks but no thanks."  I have had many occasions where I have called a candidate who looked good on paper, but it was clear in the interview that they didn't have the depth of experience a particular position called for.  It is interesting to me when, after they get the "thanks but no thanks" letter, they call to ask, "How did I not get the job? I have all the qualifications you asked for!"  Their inability to realistically self-assess is clearly hampering their job search.
• Move on with no regrets.   I know this is tough to hear, but if a potential employer decides you aren't a match for a particular job, you don't want that job anyway.  You want to move on to a position where you are wanted.  In my example with Todd, I learned a lot about who he was based on the qualifications he was looking for.  I decided that I wasn't interested in being with someone whose list looked like that - I wanted to be with someone who liked me for who I was.

Finding out that you didn't get the job is always disheartening news.  But if you are committed that you don't want a job unless it is a good match on both sides, you will be able to move on with grace and calm.  With this approach, you are much more likely to find the place that is right for you, where you can grow and flourish. 

As for the rest of the story, Todd moved on to marry a lovely, well-endowed creature who has devoted her life energies to supporting his ambitious career.  As for me, it wasn't much later that I met and was wooed by the smart, athletic, and kind-hearted man who became my husband.  He doesn't have a sarcastic bone is his body - a trait I have come to admire greatly.  We are intellectual equals and we encourage each other in our careers.  And, by the way, he just happens to be tall, dark and handsome too!!

Some Thoughts on Purpose - Part II

Yesterday I posted 5 Thoughts on Purpose.  Today is the follow-up I promised on how we can go about creating purposeful work:

(1) Perform well on the task at hand.  When we feel angst about finding meaning and purpose in or work, it is easy to get caught up in self-assessment, planning and daydreaming.  Worse, it is easy to start disparaging where we are and the work at hand as if it is beneath our lofty aspirations.  The fact is that for most of us, the seeds of our greatness lie in our present moments - and often in the darkness of those moments.  If we will just embrace these moments and perform well on the task at hand it is amazing how others will take notice, and opportunities will open up.  My best career opportunities have come from tackling so-called sh** work with gusto and determining to make a difference no matter how menial the chore.

(2) Point #1 doesn't mean to just give up on ever finding something greater, however.  While you are busy performing well on the task at hand, keep your eyes open for opportunities where you can use your skills and interests to make a contribution.  The key here is that purpose does not exist in isolation.  This is why I am so leery of self-assessment worksheets that do not call for an examination of the context around us.  Simply following our own interests and desires is never a recipe for happiness - we need to use our skills to contribute to and improve the world around us.  The formula for finding purpose is:

My Purpose = My Skills + My Interest + The Needs of the World

Purpose requires all three.  Skills + Interest with no connection to the needs of the world is simply a hobby or a recreational pursuit.  Skills + Needs of the World without a personal interest is a good recipe for becoming a martyr.  Interest + Needs of the World with no Skills is an empty do-gooder approach that may last for awhile but cannot bring about lasting, effective change where needed.

(3) Be willing to make a sacrifice to invest in yourself.  As noted above, simply being interested in something is not enough.  If a certain type of work interests you, be willing to take a good hard at your skills set compared to the required skills.  Don't be afraid to judge yourself harshly on this.  If what you are after is really, truly your purpose, you will do just fine with the hard work that it takes to develop the skills.  I teach a university course in HR Management to business professionals who are returning to school to get their BA degree.  I tell my students, "If you will just read HR Magazine from cover to cover faithfully every month, within 1 year you will know as much if not more than many of your HR peers."  They think I am kidding. I am not.  A person who invests in themselves by regularly reading industry and trade journals instead of skimming entertainment magazines or soft news is making an investment that will pay off significantly over time.  You will also learn a lot about whether you are on purpose with your work or not...if your industry and trade journals bore you, you may need to re-think what you are pursuing.

(4) Remember that purpose comes over time and don't get discouraged! In this regard, you may want to give up reading those "40 under 40" lists.  Many of the folks who appear on those lists are floundering in their career within a few years.  Many of the happiest, most successful people in their work are too busy working to market themselves for a spot on the lists.  And many folks find increasing purpose and contentment in their work throughout their 40's, 50's, and beyond.  Don't get caught up in manufactured time lines that don't reflect the reality of your own journey.

(5) Enjoy each phase of your purpose as it unfolds.  If you aren't sure what this means, listen to Mary Chapin Carpenter sing A Place in the World:

"Could be right before your very eyes; Just beyond a door that's open wide

Could be far away or in your own backyard; there are those who say you can look too hard;

For your place in the world.

"Takes some of us a little longer; A few false starts gonna make you stronger.

When I'm sure I've finally found it; Gonna wrap these arms all around it!"

Talk about someone who has found their purpose!  It is impossible not to be inspired when you hear her sing this.  Best wishes on the journey, and please leave comments to let us know if you have found your purpose, how you did it, and what your thoughts are for others on the journey!

Some Thoughts on Purpose - Part I

It's very much in vogue these days to talk about having purpose in our work.  I hear a lot about the need to "find my purpose" when I talk to clients about their careers, but the phrase seems to mean something different to everyone.  Some clients are just looking for work that will make them feel happy and fulfilled.  Some are looking for work that they won't get bored with.  Others are looking for work that will change the world. 

We all long to know that our work is a worthwhile endeavor - that we are living out the very reason for our existence.  Most of us can quickly recognize when we don't have any sense of purpose in our work.  We feel listless and bored, and there is a gnawing sense that we were meant for something more, but we just don't know what.  It's much harder to know when we do have purpose in our work.  We can be pretty certain that just because we are rewarded handsomely for our work is not enough to say that we have work with purpose.  But is our work purpose-full just because we enjoy it?  Is our work purpose-full because others appreciate it? Or is something more required before we can describe our work as having "purpose"?

I've thought about this topic for many years now, and I don't have a book to share, a 5-step model to follow, or a self-exploration work-sheet for you to fill out, but - in the "for what it's worth" category - here are some thoughts to consider:

(1) There are short-term purposes and there are long-term purposes in our work.  A short-term purpose might be working extra hours to finish an important project that will help your company or taking on overtime hours in order to save to take your kids to Disneyworld.  Both circumstances are motivators that can help keep your energy up for a short-term period when work gets tough.  A long-term purpose might be working hard to advance to management because you have a real heart for people and want to have the opportunity to develop as a great boss who can influence the careers of others in a positive way.  We need to have both types of purpose spurring us onward in order to have a fulfilling, rewarding life. 

(2) Purpose has to do with what we are "made for" - therefore, if we define something as our "purpose in life" it will likely be something that we have the innate talent and drive to accomplish.  If you find yourself constantly working against your natural skill set, or working on things that you hate, very likely you are off purpose.

(3) Our purpose begins in the here and now.  Very often I see people so unhappy in their work, and they are looking for a radical, drastic change to get them "on track" with their purpose.  As much as it is a common human reaction to want to run when things aren't going our way, it is rarely a useful approach.  Throughout history, people who have made effective strides forward for humanity have been people who started with their present moment, and acted effectively within it.  Mother Theresa didn't set out to win a Nobel Prize - she was a nun, and that's not what nuns do.  She set out to take care of the poor - that's what nuns do. 

(4) Our purpose is typically not something we define, but it's a calling we accept.  Most great heroes did not declare what they would accomplish in their life - rather they accepted what came their way, and used everything they had to be successful in it.  Moses did not set out to free the Children of Israel.  He was taking care of sheep in the wilderness and he responded to a call.  Corrie ten Boom did not grow up intending to be a member of the Resistance movement against the Nazi's who would write a book and give speeches that would comfort and influence the lives of hundreds of thousands of people.  She was simply the daughter of a watchmaker who lived a life of faith, and responded to the families who needed help when the call came.   

(5) Similarly, our "purpose" or "calling" typically comes to us over time.  It is rarely a blinding lighting flash in the middle of a self-development seminar or the output of a self-assessment worksheet.  Joseph in the Bible had inklings that he was meant for great things, but the events of his life - kidnapped by his own brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused of rape, and left to rot in an Egyptian prison - hardly pointed towards greatness.  Yet after rising to status in the Egyptian royal ranks, he told his repentant brothers as they begged for forgiveness not to worry because, "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 15:20).  As Mary Chapin Carpenter croons in "The Long Way Home," what if your job is to "see your life as a gift from the great unknown, and your task is to receive it?"

My next posting will be my best advice (for what it's worth) on how we can find purpose in our work given these 5 thoughts. 

Blessed to be a Blessing

In a recent post I talked about being grateful for our work.  In addition to the reasons we can be grateful for our work that I already mentioned, there is another important reason to be grateful - the blessing of having our own work allows us to be a blessing to others.  Were you able to donate to a charity that is important to you this year?  Without your job that might be difficult to do. If your company offers a gift matching benefit, you have an even greater reason to be grateful!  My husband's company matches employee charitable donations up to $5,000 per year - a remarkable benefit by any standard! 

But it's not just the money that allows you to bless others - it's the position you hold and the people that it causes you to interact with that gives you the chance to be a blessing to others.  Recently I experienced receiving  blessing from an employee of a grocery store in a rather amusing manner...

The Wednesday before Christmas I took the kids to Church for the final rehearsal before the Christmas play performance.  After the rehearsal we had to go to tae kwon do class so I wore some baggy sweats over my uniform and threw on an old jacket.  We were running late and raced out without dinner.  "No problem," I thought, "We'll just get pizza at church." (Our church serves a pizza dinner for $2/each every Wednesday night to help busy families keep up with activities and still get dinner).  After got in the car I noticed that my son had worn a sweatshirt instead of a coat and my daughter had worn slip-on shoes instead of boots.  It was too late to turn back, and I figured that since we were just going to be running in and out of church, and then in and out of the gym, we would keep going despite the wet, sticky snow that was falling.

We got to church and the kids had their practice.  The church was unusually busy for Wednesday night and by the time the kids finished practice the pizza was gone.  What to do now?  The kids had tae kwon do in 30 minutes and there was no way to keep going without food.  Not a problem - Byerly's is just up the road and they have a great hot deli.  On the way in the parking lot I told the kids, "We're in a hurry so we can't have a full meal - just enough to hold us over until after TKD."  We raced into the store through the blowing snow.  The temperature was dropping fast!  By the time we got to the deli section, my son had his arms crossed over his chest and was shivering.  My daughter stamped her feet and said, "I wish I had boots on!" 

The kids mulled over their choices.  My daughter wanted macaroni & cheese and my son wanted chicken.  The nice lady behind the counter got out two dinner trays and started dishing up the macaroni.  "Oh no," I said, "We're going to split one dinner with two sides."  She looked at me curiously.  "We're kind of in a hurry," I explained.  "We were going to eat at church tonight but they ran out of food."

"Oh," she said slowly.  "That's too bad."  Then she dished up the macaroni & cheese, mashed potatoes and 1 piece of chicken into a dinner tray.  Then she took out the piece of chicken and rummaged around the bin and selected a different one.  Then she added another scoop of mashed potatoes and macaroni.  By the time she handed me the tray the plastic lid wouldn't snap down and mashed potatoes were oozing out the side.  "Merry Christmas!" she said warmly with a big beaming smile. 

We continued our frantic pace through the check-out line and then grabbed a small table to eat quickly so we wouldn't make a mess in the car.  As he started in on the chicken my son nonchalantly commented, "Did you see how that Deli Lady picked through the chicken to give us the biggest one?  She must know I like chicken!"  I was mulling over the fact that the Deli Lady had carefully picked through the roasting pan for the largest piece of chicken when it slowly began to dawn on me....our missing outerwear during a snowstorm...my insistence that we split a meal...we looked and sounded as if we were a family in financial peril!

Now I understood the deli lady's extra effort to find the largest piece of chicken and the heaping helpings of mashed potatoes and macaroni.  I started to laugh and I couldn't stop.  I finally gasped, "She thinks we're homeless."  My  kids stared at me blankly at first, and then my daughter caught on.  "I was saying I wanted some boots to wear!" she howled.  "And I was shivering without a coat on," my son said.  I added, "And I told her the church was out of food tonight!!"   After that we couldn't stop.  We laughed and laughed, and every time we thought of those mashed potatoes oozing out of the side of the takeout tray we started up giggling again.

The Deli Lady at Byerly's had no way of knowing that we are a typical suburban family with a full refrigerator, nice cars and warm beds.  That night, to her, we looked - and sounded - like a homeless single mom with two kids stressed about finding our next meal.  Through my laughter about the mix-up, I was also quite moved and touched by her generosity, the warmth of her "Merry Christmas" and especially by the way she treated me with dignity and respect despite my appearances.

The Deli Lady used her position to make sure that under the circumstances we got the best meal possible.  She used the blessing of her particular job to be a blessing to others.  I truly hope that she had a very Merry Christmas this year and that she is richly rewarded for her generosity and kindness.   

When you stop to think about it - really think about it - it is an inspiring idea to think that we can take what we do to earn a living and turn it into a blessing for the others that we come into contact with as a result of our work. Not all of us are in jobs where we can use our position to give food to others who need it.  But I am convinced that we all have something unique to our work that will allow us to be a blessing to others if we think about it long enough. 

What are some ways that you have seen people use their role to bless others?  What are ways in which you have been able to use your particular job to bless others?  Please leave a comment and share your story! 

 

The Blessing of Work

If you have a job, you are blessed.  Consider what these folks had to say about the value of employment:

"A man who has no office to go to - I don't care who he is - is a trial of which you can have no conception."  ~George Bernard Shaw

"I do not believe we can repair the basic fabric of society until people who are willing to work have work.  Work organizes life.  It gives structure and discipline to life."  ~Bill Clinton

"Hunger is not the worst feature of unemployment; idleness is."  ~William E. Barrett

A man willing to work, and unable to find work, is perhaps the saddest sight that fortune's inequality exhibits under this sun.  ~Thomas Carlyle

If you've ever been through a time in your career when you wanted to work, but didn't have a job, you probably discovered that what you missed about work was more than just the paycheck.  Of course a job is important to our financial health, but for most of us, a job is also important to our psychological and social health.  For more on this topic, check out a prior posting on the importance of work in our lives.  Even if you are not crazy about your job, often it adds an important element of juxtaposition to your life.

So as you wrap up 2007 and perhaps are taking some time to count your blessings, how about taking time to think about what you are grateful for in your job...

• What would you miss if you suddenly lost your job? 
• Who would you miss? 
• What little rituals would you miss (e.g., a stop at a favorite coffee shop, visiting the Farmer's Market downtown on Thursday afternoons, etc.)? 
• How has your job helped you grow this year? 
• Is there anyone at your company whose hard work you rely on (e.g, an assistant who keeps your life sane or a sales person who keeps 4 production people and a customer service rep busy?)?  When was the last time you let them know that their work matters to you?
• How does your job help you appreciate/enjoy the other aspects of your life more?

This year I am grateful for my client work and I am grateful to be a blogger.  I appreciate every single one of you who took time time to read something I wrote and maybe even to comment.  May you have great joy and happiness this holiday season and all throughout 2008!

 

HR referred me to the EAP - what does that mean?

Have you ever gone to an HR Rep at your company with a problem and had them refer you to an EAP?  If you're like most employees, you found this frustrating - perhaps it even felt like a brush-off or as if your company didn't care.  This is a very common reaction for employees who don't understand what an Employee Assistance Program is. 

Employee Assistance Programs are designed to help people with personal problems that might adversely affect their work performance. The first contact with an EAP is typically a phone counselor who will help you define what the problem is and identify some resources that will help you.  Those resources may include state or community organizations that can help you, or referrals to medical and/or mental health providers. While the EAP counselor will spend time on the phone listening to you, s/he typically won't engage in a long-term counseling relationship with you, but will help you connect with someone locally who can fill that role.

My experience has been that many employees resist being referred to an EAP program for three reasons:

1. They can't see how a stranger on the phone can possibly help them with their problems
2. They feel that their company doesn't care about them
3. They were just looking for someone to vent to, not to actually dig in and solve the problem!

Let's take a look at each of these reactions:

#1 - They can't see how a stranger on the phone can possibly help with their problems.  EAP counselors go through extensive training to learn how to connect with and assess employee needs for support via telephone communication.  Typically the counselor will ask very thoughtful questions to help you articulate your situation.  They are trained in problem-solving and human development strategies and can coach you on some basic steps for defining the problem and identifying and ranking solutions.  They are trained on your company and the benefits available at your company so they have an idea of the resources that may be readily available to you and they also have extensive databases of information about what may be available to you in your community.  Most of all, they are a confidential, listening ear, that can help you come to grips with the situation that is troubling you without having to feel like you are exposing yourself unnecessarily to co-workers.  EAP's can help with a variety or problems that you might not even think of asking for help on. For example, I once knew a woman whose refrigerator conked out on her right before the holidays when she was in the middle of a big project at work.  On a whim she called the EAP counselor, explained the stress she was having, and told her the cost and feature requirements she had for a new refrigerator.  The EAP counselor actually did comparison research for her, and faxed over the data.  The employee selected the refrigerator she wanted, and the EAP counselor arranged for the delivery time.  Talk about relieving employee stress!

#2 - They feel that their company doesn't care about them.  To the contrary, the fact that a company has an EAP is a very tangible sign of caring.  An EAP is not a cheap benefit for a company to provide and making it available is a signal that your employer knows that you have a very full life and sometimes things can go wrong.  While HR folks can help you with issues related to the structure and processes in your workplace, they cannot help you with intra-personal psychological issues, or issues with relationships you have outside of the workplace.  The fact is that HR professionals are not trained counselors.  Professional counseling is a highly regulated discipline with a defined set of protocols and skills that are required.  Believe me, you don't want someone who hasn't had this training trying to fill in as a counselor for you.  The HR Profession respects the counseling profession, and that's why we respect those boundaries and provide EAP's for employees.

#3 - They're just looking for someone to vent to and don't want to actually dig in and solve the problem. In my experience, this is the employee who resists the EAP the most.  Which is probably a good thing, because they don't really want to solve the problem, and EAP won't be able to help them either.  When I am confronted with an employee with this attitude, I try to disentangle myself as quickly as possible.  HR or a Manager should never have to be the "dumping ground" for someone who is having a bad day.  That's not to say that we don't all need a caring ear once in awhile, but if that's the case for you, I suggest you save it for your friends and family.   I once had a young man - a Sales Rep - who would come into my office several times a week to vent about problems with co-workers, stress over his weight, and problems with his family.  When I explained to him that I did not have the time to keep listening to this chaos he said, "Well I am a verbal processor and I am the type of person who needs to think thinks through out loud." I asked him how his need to verbal process meant that I had a responsibility to be his dumping ground.  He had no answer.  I also explained how HR Reps aren't trained to be counselors, but I don't think he heard any of that.  He was just mad that I didn't want to listen to him complain anymore. He was rather distant with me for awhile. Then, several months later he came to see me. He said he'd done a lot of thinking and he'd realized it was immature of him to think that just because he was angry and felt the need to get it out of his system that it was the responsibility of me - or anyone else - to listen to him.  He felt like a more mature, competent person as a result and he wanted to thank me for being honest and firm with him.  Wow!  That was an unexpected reward of simply doing my job as an HR Rep.

So here's the point - if you go to your HR Rep with a problem, and s/he refers you to the EAP, don't get miffed.  Instead, ask yourself:

• Do I really want to solve this problem or am I just venting and expecting my co-workers to put up with my emotional outbursts?
• What can it hurt to talk to someone who is trained to help people deal with stressful situations?

Remember, we (in HR) are not blowing you off if we suggest you talk to an EAP.  The worst thing we could do is to pretend to be capable of counseling you when we don't have the training or licenses to do that.  It actually demonstrates a lot more true concern to say, "You know I want to help you with your problem but I am not trained or qualified and I am going to help you get connected with someone who can help you." 

It's Monday Morning - Are You Happy?

We've all had the experience of working with a colleague who is chronically unhappy - no matter what is happening they focus on the negative and cast an aura of gloom and despair wherever they go.  It's stressful to be around people who are chronically unhappy.  We dread being in meetings with these folks, and might go so far as to avoid the copy room or hallway when we see them there. 

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were the unhappy colleague?  I know I certainly have.  I definitely did not have a "career encouragement" approach to my work early on in my career.  It is something that I have worked at. 

Given that we're all human and that the workplace can be stressful sometimes it's not surprising that sometimes we feel unhappy.  But there's good news.   Research has shown that happiness can be learned, and the people who engage in happy habits will experience more happiness.

How to Think describe 4 simple habits to help you be happier.  Just think what the workplace would be like if we all adopted these habits!  How about we start with #3 right now?

Happy Monday! :-)

Self-Defeating Thoughts

Barbara Moses of BBM Human Resource Consultants, Inc. says how we think about our actions and the events that occur in our work will affect our success.  In Be Still My Self-Defeating Thoughts she warns against the ills of:

• All-or-nothing thinking,
• Overgeneralizing,
• Ignoring the positive (my personal favorite thought trap!),
• Jumping to Conclusions,
• Catastrophizing,
• Shoulds, and
• Blaming

She gives several helpful points and concludes that it's wise to:

"Check out your perceptions. Get data to support your interpretation of events. If you can't find support for it, then rethink it."

Check out the whole article here and then go here for an index of other great articles to encourage you on the journey!