Working Moms Who Should Have Made "The List"

Working Mother Magazine recently posted their annual list of "Working Moms of the Year."  I dropped my subscription to this magazine years ago for many and varied reasons.  As I flipped through the pages of this particular issue in the grocery store, I was reminded why.

There are a few interesting women who overcame significant obstacles to achieve career and family success.  But per usual, their list is mostly filled with privileged, highly educated, wealthy women who have extensive resources to help them manage the challenges of being a working mom. Most curious was the labeling of First Lady Michelle Obama as the "quintessentially working mom" who is "a role model to working mothers everywhere, who are counting on her to advocate for their interests." 

Working Mother goes on to laud the fact that Ms. Obama "continued to work at the university of Chicago Medical Center during the primary campaign but resigned earlier this year. A media darling thanks to her fashion-forward wardrobe, she’s determined to keep her family grounded while living in the white house: Malia and Sasha are given chores, and they’re expected to do well in school—and to clean up after their new dog." 

What?

I'm not saying that being First Lady isn't challenging.  And I'm certainly not implying that Ms. Obama has not worked hard to develop her talents in order to make a contribution to the world.  But calling her an advocate for working women everywhere because she has nice clothes and a husband whose income allows her to stay home and "choose" to put "family first" is rather insulting to lesser-resourced women everywhere who don't ask for handouts or benevolent advocacy, but instead focus their energies on making tough, hard choices every single day about how they will give their kids a break in this world.

Here's who I'd like to see make the list of Working Moms of the Year:

My friend Kari had 4 children.  Her husband was a rising corporate executive, so Kari "chose" to put her career on hold and put family first as a stay-home mom in her brand new 5-bedroom suburban home with the 2 new SUV's in the garage.  Then tragedy struck.  In the space of 3 months, Kari's husband landed in the hospital with a heart attack, and her oldest son died from a heart defect that they thought had been corrected.  Shortly after her husband returned to work he was laid off in a corporate restructuring.  The stress of their situation kicked in his genetic pre-disposition towards depression and he suffered a serious clinical episode.  Now Kari was essentially acting as a single mom of 3 - while trying to care for an ill husband, and still grieving the loss of her son.  Somehow she marshaled her mental and physical resources and "chose" to sell her new home and find an apartment for the family.  She then "chose" leave her kids in "extended day" after school and found a full-time job that would support the family.  Now 5 years later she has built her career back up, and has purchased another home for her family - a smaller, older home, but one in a neighborhood with good schools.  All the time, she has maintained her faith in God, and a beautiful smile, and a sense of humor.  When her company laid off her whole department a few months ago, Kari's first concern was for her employees - helping them to find new opportunities.

My friend Trish was happily married with 4 children.  She loved her job as a social worker helping disadvantaged children connect to educational support resources.  Then her husband left and made it clear he had no interest in seeing the kids anymore. So Trish "chose" to leave a job she loved in favor of a corporate job in the financial sector where she could make a wage that would allow her to keep the home her children were used to.  It was also a job where she could receive the comprehensive health benefits she needed for her oldest daughter who has chronic health conditions.  Now Trish travels occasionally for work and must rely on a network of friends and paid care to help her out while she is away from her family.

Lynn, the Single Mom I babysat for when I was 14.  I know she hated leaving her 8-year-old daughter in the care of a scrawny, bespectacled teenager from 2-10 PM 3 nights a week while she worked a second job. I know that I didn't exactly inspire confidence that her daughter was receiving educational, enriching, and safe care. But what else could she expect for $2/hour?  It was me (or someone like me) watching her kid, or else she had to give up her "choice" to live in the cracker-box town home near the freeway exit that they called home.

All of the Latina women interviewed in "Domestica" by Pierrette Hondagneu-Sotelo who "choose" to leave their children all week long from Monday - Saturday in order to work as nannies and cooks and housekeepers for wealthy families in L.A.. They make this difficult choice in order to ensure that their own children - who they only see for a few hours on Sundays - have the chance to grow up in a free country and get an education.  If you have every felt sorry for yourself for the stresses and strains you face as a working mother, or if you ever catch yourself prattling on about how working or staying home is simply a matter of "choice" for women, you need to read this book!

So here is to Kari, Trish, Lynn, and the Domesticas, and every other working mom who has ever had to make choices between rocks and hard places.  You are the heart and soul of America.  You are the women who create the "aggregate of tiny pushes" that move this world along.  You are all heroes of mine, and somewhere I am sure that your names are written on a far more important list that supersedes any collection of names in a slick magazine.

Comments

[Epic Living]

Sometimes it becomes very clear that certain magazines are only interested in "selling" and not enriching.

Thanks for the post.

[Julie O'Malley]

Beautifully put, and so true.

[Sujan Patricia]

Could the huge popularity of Michelle Obama be a sign of changing attitudes in the fashion industry? Vogue featured Michelle Obama on its cover recently. Michelle Obama in particular has ushered in new era of style and entertaining.

[Yodeling Mama from Yahoo! Inc.]

Hi,

Wow, I came across this post while looking for other blogs about being a working mother. I work at Yahoo! Inc. and am now blogging for http://www.YodelingMamas.com which started three weeks ago to give us working mamas at Yahoo! the chance to talk about our experiences, etc.

These stories are really something; I know many mothers sacrifice a lot for their kids, but these stories are incredibly poignant and really show how far mothers will go to support their families. I am incredibly proud to know that women like this exist and struggle through challenges and emerge from them with, I hope, incredibly strong families and strong bonds as a family. Thank you so much for sharing these.

[patty]

Beautiful stories.

[Fosia]

Awesome post! I love stuff like this.

[K Moore]

I love the post of these women. Though, I must say, must you be so critical of Mrs. Obama? I think a little more research on your part on her life story would have been fair. The fact is because you don't know the intimate details of this Mrs. Obama's life, you don't know all of her struggles. I think if you did some more research on the humanitarian work she had done over the years, she is clearly aware of women such as the ones in this blog who struggle and has given back. So just because she is revered publicly doesn't mean she should be torn down to meet what you believe is an acceptable level in the eyes of the world.

[Leah]

I love your post here - you are dead on. I read the Working Mother publication for several years and finally decided I really couldn't relate to the women being featured. I wanted real stories of how real "working moms" handle the daily challenges. You did that!

[marlowe]

Indeed informative post. i enjoy reading such post like this. I'm excited on your next blog. Hope to read it soon. Thanks.

marlowe@Job Descriptions

[Louanne]

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with everyone. It's very refreshing.

http://www.cornwalljobs.org

[buy valtrex]

I myself am a working mom and I love it...how do other people feel about working mothers? If you are one, how do you handle it all? And stay-at-home moms, what made you decide to be a stay at home mom?

[Alla]

Great post. I'm a working mother and I have mixed feelings about it. I love being at work, but I also miss my daughter terribly when I'm away from her.

I was laid off in 2009 and I was out work for 8 months. Those were tough months, but I also got to spend quality time with my daughter. I finally found a job, thanks to www.CareerRating.com - a site that helps you get your former boss to rate your job performance (like a recommendation letter, but better). So now I'm working again..

[Account Deleted]

Great post for all women.
I got to know about a job portal http://naukriforwomen.com where they are helping women to get jobs according to there profile.
I think its also a great step towards helping women.

[Tim Sanchez]

Very touching. Great stories of endurance. Our mothers and wives are amazing people. My wife has been a great companion in my businesses and dealings. Now she helps me alot from home, she actually found for me a company to ship cars internationally. Auto Shipping Network. I definitely recommend them. Keep up the good work.

[en yeni oyunlar]

Beautifully put, and so true.

[Seo Company]

Hi,

This is Jullia. This is nice post . If you need for any help of seo then you may contact at : http://www.rankyourwebsites.com/

http://www.SEOguru.co.UK

[Charlotte SEO]

Wow this is nice post . I love my mom .This week I had the pleasure of appearing on Tell Me More, one of my favorite NPR programs, to discuss the challenges of returning to work after being a stay-at-home mom. The segment, as you might expect, arose out of the Washington Post Magazine story I wrote about the job search of Amy Beckett, who left the full-time workforce nearly two decades ago to focus on raising her children. By the way you can visit this site :
http://www.optimizationadvertising.com/

[Removals]

As American women have entered the labor force in greater numbers, the traditional work of wives and mothers--cleaning houses and caring for children--has gradually moved into the global marketplace. Paid domestic work has largely become the domain of disenfranchised immigrant women of color. Unlike the working poor who toil in factories and fields, these women see, touch, and breathe the material and emotional world of their employers' homes. They scrub grout, coax reluctant children to eat their vegetables, launder and fold clothes, dust, vacuum, and witness intimate family dynamics. In this enlightening and timely work, Pierrette Hondagneu-Sotelo highlights the voices, experiences, and views of Mexican and Central American women who care for other people's children and homes, as well as the outlooks of the women who employ them in Los Angeles.

http://www.hwselect.com/

[Davis]

I have got so much positive response after sharing this one in my twitter account.

For cheap beauty products visit at:
http://www.ayurda.com.au

[Webmaster]

Great post. I'm a working mother and I have mixed feelings about it. I love being at work, but I also miss my daughter terribly when I'm away from her.
http://www.hotcasinodeal.com
http://www.bunnybingo.com
http://www.royalstarcasino.com
http://www.crapsgamesonline.org
http://www.blackjackgamesonline.org
http://www.8casinos.com
http://www.mycasinogames.org

[Webmaster]

I myself am a working mom and I love it...how do other people feel about working mothers?
http://www.sexdatingforadults.com
http://www.ultimate-herbal.com

[Blinds Charlotte NC]

I nedeed informative post. i enjoy reading such post like this. I'm excited on your next blog. Hope to read it soon. Thanks.

http://www.charlotterelocationguide.com
http://www.corporatelifeinsurancequote.com
http://www.debtlawhelp.com

[Weight Loss]

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with everyone. It's very refreshing.

[seo consultant london]

I know she hated leaving her 8-year-old daughter in the care of a scrawny, bespectacled teenager from 2-10 PM 3 nights a week while she worked a second job. I know that I didn't exactly inspire confidence that her daughter was receiving educational, enriching, and safe care. But what else could she expect for $2/hour? It was me (or someone like me) watching her kid, or else she had to give up her "choice" to live in the cracker-box town home near the freeway exit that they called home.

Thanks for this , by the way Executive Staffing Agency – We provide the optimum interface between the leading corporate and highly experienced and talented professionals. Our enthusiastic endeavor towards developing a value added HR pool has brought laurels in the form of a enchanting ambience comprising of highly energized individuals working with august organizations. Visit : http://www.executivestaffingagency.com
You can also visit : http://www.pokeronlinecasinos.com/
http://www.googleadword.co.uk/
http://www.bestdatings.com/

[web design company india]

Web Design Company India is a reliable source for best qualitative web design services. It stands for providing affordable web design services, a renowned name in the field of Web Design Company.