The Career Encouragement Blog

Maybe You Didn't Want the Job After All

Many, many years ago I dated a young man that I was quite enamored with - let's call him Todd.  Todd was interesting, ambitious, and had a sarcastic wit that I thought was hilarious.  Moreover, I considered him my intellectual equal (I know it sounds vain, but in my late teens it was a rarity for me to consider any young man smart enough to keep up with me). 

I have always preferred the tall, dark and handsome type.  Todd was fair, and somewhat rumpled.  But I overlooked his appearance in favor of what I considered to be the more important attributes of his character. I thought we were a terrific match.  So did many of our friends.  Imagine my surprise then, when one evening, out of the blue, Todd put an end to any speculation about what type of future he and I might have together.  He informed me that although he recognized that we were compatible on many levels, and that on the surface of it we seemed to be an ideal match, he simply could not marry a woman unless she was (I will say this in a more genteel manner than he did), quite "well endowed."  I was stunned. 

My biggest regret from that time of my life is that I actually let his comments hurt me for a short time.  Thankfully it was less than 24 hours later that my self-esteem spoke louder than my wounded heart and I realized that Todd had done me a huge favor.  I am SO glad I found out what a shallow jerk he was before I wasted any more of my good time on him. 

Why am I telling this story on a career blog?  I'm sure you've heard the phrase that dating can be like a job interview.  Well this experience certainly has some good career lessons for all of us:

• If you apply for a job, find out what qualifications the potential employer has in mind.  I had no idea what qualifications Todd was looking for.  Because we seemed to be a match on the surface, and I felt so strongly that we were a match, I hadn't fully explored things from his perspective.
• Don't try to convince an employer that you possess qualifications that clearly aren't there.  In my example with Todd, it was clear that I was fit and athletic, but there was no way I could claim to be "well endowed." (not that I wanted to, of course!)  Likewise, in interviewing candidates I have talked to people who try to convince me that they have great sales skills when they left each prior position because "the territories were poorly assigned" or "customer service kept screwing up my accounts."
• Be realistic about what qualifications you are willing to work to develop.  If an HR job you apply for requires PHR certification and you don't have it, are you willing to do the necessary self-study work to take the test and get certified?  If not, you may want to look for other jobs that don't require the PHR certification. In my example with Todd, clearly I wasn't about to go developing the qualifications he had in mind.
• If you don't have and aren't willing to develop the required qualifications, don't be surprised if they tell you "thanks but no thanks."  I have had many occasions where I have called a candidate who looked good on paper, but it was clear in the interview that they didn't have the depth of experience a particular position called for.  It is interesting to me when, after they get the "thanks but no thanks" letter, they call to ask, "How did I not get the job? I have all the qualifications you asked for!"  Their inability to realistically self-assess is clearly hampering their job search.
• Move on with no regrets.   I know this is tough to hear, but if a potential employer decides you aren't a match for a particular job, you don't want that job anyway.  You want to move on to a position where you are wanted.  In my example with Todd, I learned a lot about who he was based on the qualifications he was looking for.  I decided that I wasn't interested in being with someone whose list looked like that - I wanted to be with someone who liked me for who I was.

Finding out that you didn't get the job is always disheartening news.  But if you are committed that you don't want a job unless it is a good match on both sides, you will be able to move on with grace and calm.  With this approach, you are much more likely to find the place that is right for you, where you can grow and flourish. 

As for the rest of the story, Todd moved on to marry a lovely, well-endowed creature who has devoted her life energies to supporting his ambitious career.  As for me, it wasn't much later that I met and was wooed by the smart, athletic, and kind-hearted man who became my husband.  He doesn't have a sarcastic bone is his body - a trait I have come to admire greatly.  We are intellectual equals and we encourage each other in our careers.  And, by the way, he just happens to be tall, dark and handsome too!!

Considering a Career in HR?

Deb over at 8 Hours & a Lunch lists some reasons why HR professionals dislike their job.  I found her list amusing because it mirrors what I tell my students about the HR profession. 

I teach an undergraduate HR Management class to university students who are looking to build a career in Human Resources.  The students come from all walks of life.  Some are traditional college students straight out of high school.  Many are working adults returning to finish their degree in order to advance themselves in the corporate world.  Their reasons for identifying HR for their career path are varied.  One of my first tasks is usually to dismantle their expectations about what a career in HR is all about.  I start by clarifying that HR Professionals are not:

• Cops,
• Party Planners,
• Counselors, or
• Lawyers,

With regard to the last two in particular, we talk about how Counselors and Lawyers are distinct professions with specific educational requirements, licensing requirements, and ongoing development expectations.  We need to respect Counselors and Lawyers as such.  We expect our education and credentials as HR pros to be respected, and we owe it to other professions to respect them.  We are better HR pros when we are savvy about when and how to rely on their expertise instead of pretending we have it on our own.

So why go into the field of Human Resources if there are so many things to dislike about it, and we don't get to police people or plan parties?  Well, it's certainly not a career for the faint hearted.  I tell my students that they have chosen a great profession because if they do it well they will have the opportunity to:

• Influence and develop organizational processes and structures that help people do better work.  This has two great benefits: 
  • First, the organization will be more profitable which means more opportunity for all. 
  • Second - and equally important - employees will have more satisfying and enjoyable careers.
• Contribute to processes and programs that raise the collective intelligence of the workforce.

What a great way to spend the day!

6 Non-Important Things

I'm honored to have been tagged by Ask a Manager.  In return I am tagging

• 45 Things because her book has a great title and she is in the fray daily working to help employees have better careers;
• The CompForce Blog because Ann is my favorite blogging buddy - I tagged her once last year and learned some shocking things so I am curious to see what comes out this year! and
• Incentive Intelligence because he went to OSU (go Buckeyes!).

The rules:
- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
- Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
- Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So here are my 6 non-important things:

1. I am a good cook (To quote Mrs. E. from Jane Austen's Emma: "Not that I would compliment myself of course, but my friends do say so!")
2. I enjoy listening to Sarah Brightman and drinking wine while making dinner.
3. I prefer red wine to white.
4. My son is the most optimistic person I know.
5. My daughter is the kindest person I know.
6. I want to be like my children when I grow up.

Can't wait to hear what others have to say!

Carnival of Human Resources

Deb over at 8 Hours and a Lunch has posted the latest Carnival of HR. You can check it out here.  There are great postings to help you understand what HR people think about all day long (which is good to know if you are looking for a job and plan to be interviewing with someone from HR!). 

My favorite posting is Evil HR Lady's posting on taking all your problems to HR.  She makes the great point that some monkeys don't belong in HR's tree!

Career Advice in a Recession

Worried about how a possible recession will impact your career?  The Brazen Careerist has some good advice on how to manage your career during these times.  She outlines 4 points:

1. Specialize
2. Do something great right now
3. Consider graduate school
4. Focus on the quality of the work and the mentoring

These are great points whether you are concerned about a recession or not but, I think #2 is especially important during these times.  If you can focus on doing projects that make a real difference for your company (not just a pet project that you enjoy - but one that helps the company advance) you will secure yourself as a key player and you will learn a lot about your company and your industry in the process.

A few other points I would add are:

• Learn how to network like a genuine professional, and make it a regular part of your career activities.
• If you've already got the gradate degree you want, consider if there are any certifications you can get that will advance you in your field.  For example, the PHR and SPHR certifications are popping up more and more on HR job postings.  These are great certifications and you can get relatively inexpensive home study courses if the logistics of taking a class don't work for you.  Most companies will pay for this option. 
• Get involved in projects that will give you some visibility and don't be afraid to toot your own horn a bit.  Now this can be tricky because if you choose your projects unwisely and then toot your horn you might draw unwanted attention.  If you are uncertain, don't be afraid to ask your boss if there are projects you can volunteer on.  Be sure to indicate that you are looking for projects that will stretch you in addition to your current workload - not projects that will just add more routine to your current load.

What's one step you can take today to enhance your career and boost your marketability?

Articles for Working Moms

Ran across this interesting collection of articles for working moms today.  As always, some are better than others and you have to pick what works for you. I like the ones on:

• Finding the Right Career Fit
• Bringing Home the Bacon vs. Bringing up Baby (no - it does not have to be either/or!)
• Speak up at work

Take a look and see if any of them work for you!

Philosophical Question for Working Mothers

As part of one of my research projects in grad school, I am conducting focus groups with mothers who have professional careers on the experiences, rewards, and satisfactions of being a  working mom in "The Changing Landscape of Women in America."  I am knee-deep in the data analysis phase and it's an interesting process. 

I came across this article in my work.  The author references a book from 1952 called "The Many Lives of Modern Woman" by Gruenberg & Krech.  I was struck by how some of the points about women raised in 1952 mirror the points being raised by the women in my focus groups:

Gruenberg and Krech raise a chapter about husbands and their role in the family. The luck of the draw in choices of a spouse and the long day to day discussions and negotiations about working or not working, staying home totally or part-time, having some household help, all are issues for the young married woman. But as couples come from different traditions, ethnic backgrounds, and religions these are not simple issues. Some couples are lucky, some work hard at these different perspectives, and some find both luck and successful negotiations.

Late in their book, almost in response to the above illustration and commentary, Gruenberg and Krech raise three major sources of problems of the modern woman. These are: isolation; the mechanisms / logistics of living; and the submergence of interests, talents, and ambitions from their earlier years. In contrast to earlier generations, many modern women are isolated from extended family and the social life and help that that brings to daily living. The isolation is compounded with the variety of modern appliances and ‘labor saving’ devices that suggest that the modern woman can do things quicker by herself, without needing help from friends and relations. Perhaps most significant is the combination of these two aspects with the submergence of talent and interests and hopes that often never recover in the life of the ‘modern woman.’ Gruenberg and Krech’s are quite clear that these interests and talents need not be earth shaking nor at some national or international level of competence. Rather they are the items that bring personal satisfaction and often companionship with other young women."

Given the similarities in the writing from 1952 and what I am hearing women talk about today, I find myself asking the question - Is the landscape really changing for women in America or are the issues the same but with modern labels?

I would love to hear what you think! 

Friday Humor

We've all seen blog postings with hilarious examples of bad resumes and cover letters that miss the mark.  HR Wench offers a view from the other side with these hilarious examples of strange job postings.  Enjoy!

Asking for a Raise

Ann Bares has a great posting on Why Managers are Afraid to Praise Employees.  One of the reasons is because they are afraid that the employees will then ask for a raise.  Based on my own experience as an HR Consultant, this is a very realistic concern.  I have witnessed first hand numerous occasions where a manager has complimented an employee on a particularly well done project, and instead of thanks she is hit with a request for money. 

The request may be direct such as, "I'd sure like to see those words backed up with an increase in pay."  Or it could be indirect such as, "Well I sure do a lot around here for what I'm paid" and "Hmmm.  Words are nice, but something in my paycheck would mean more."  While the indirect method is more annoying, both responses to a sincere compliment are frustrating to a manager and can lead to a fear of praising employees. 

So how can you ask for a raise if you are certain that you are doing a good job?  Let's look to the advice that the experts are giving the Managers, and see how you can use it to your benefit as an employee...

In response to a Manager's fear of praising an employee lest he ask for a raise, Ann says: 

"A frank and factual discussion of how an employee brings value to the table, and what it takes to augment that value, is not something you can avoid by simply holding back praise."

In the original article Ann cites, Liz Ryan adds further detail saying:

[The argument for more money] "is easily countered if, when an employee asks about a possible uptick in pay, you share with him or her the financial drivers for your business. If you praise an employee and her response is "Thanks for the praise, now can I have a salary increase?" you can show her how the firm's operating expenses and its revenues tie together—and most important, let her know the specific results that would make bigger salaries possible. Those might include an increase in sales, a reduction in costs, or both. The more specific you can be, the more your employee will understand where the dollars in her paycheck come from, and what she can do to influence her earning power."

If your read my prior postings on asking for a raise and getting the salary you want you'll quickly recognize that the conversation has similar elements regardless of which side of the table you are sitting on.  The secret for you as the employee to know is that many managers are not particularly skilled at having these types of conversations with employees.  Don't believe me?  Check out the comment's section on Ann's posting. 

The key, then is for you as the employee to lead the conversation in a productive manner and help make it easy for your manager to talk to you about money.  How can you do this?

1. First recognize that timing is everything.  A conversation about money is not one to have "on the fly."  Plan it out.
2. Second, don't expect "tit for tat."  If your boss gives you a sincere compliment, give a sincere thanks in return and bask in the joy of doing good work.  Don't respond like a first-grader with "so what will you give me..."
3. Third, be realistic.  People make more money when what they do for a company is a) mission critical, and b) hard to replace.   If you are in a position where you can be replaced by a temp tomorrow, it's hard to justify higher wages.  Also, be realistic about your company, your industry, and prevailing market wages for the work you do.  It's a new world and seniority rarely pays any more.
4. Fourth, closely related to #3, be prepared to demonstrate how you will contribute at a higher level in exchange for an increase in salary.  A salary increase is about expected future productivity, not just a reward for past work.
5. Finally, have an agenda for the conversation and share it with your boss.  Based on #1 and #2 above, schedule a mutually convenient time to talk about salary.  Have an agenda - maybe 3 or 4 bullet points - on a piece of paper, and give a copy to your boss at the start of the meeting.  This helps ensure that you will mention the key issues that you have thought of in advance, and it helps your boss do a better job of responding instead of sitting on edge wondering what surprises are going to come up. 

If you take a thoughtful, collaborative, business-focused approach to the conversation, you will have a  much higher probability of success than you will with a sly comment in response to a compliment. 

Best wishes, and please let us know about your experiences and successes in asking for a raise!

Some Thoughts on Purpose - Part II

Yesterday I posted 5 Thoughts on Purpose.  Today is the follow-up I promised on how we can go about creating purposeful work:

(1) Perform well on the task at hand.  When we feel angst about finding meaning and purpose in or work, it is easy to get caught up in self-assessment, planning and daydreaming.  Worse, it is easy to start disparaging where we are and the work at hand as if it is beneath our lofty aspirations.  The fact is that for most of us, the seeds of our greatness lie in our present moments - and often in the darkness of those moments.  If we will just embrace these moments and perform well on the task at hand it is amazing how others will take notice, and opportunities will open up.  My best career opportunities have come from tackling so-called sh** work with gusto and determining to make a difference no matter how menial the chore.

(2) Point #1 doesn't mean to just give up on ever finding something greater, however.  While you are busy performing well on the task at hand, keep your eyes open for opportunities where you can use your skills and interests to make a contribution.  The key here is that purpose does not exist in isolation.  This is why I am so leery of self-assessment worksheets that do not call for an examination of the context around us.  Simply following our own interests and desires is never a recipe for happiness - we need to use our skills to contribute to and improve the world around us.  The formula for finding purpose is:

My Purpose = My Skills + My Interest + The Needs of the World

Purpose requires all three.  Skills + Interest with no connection to the needs of the world is simply a hobby or a recreational pursuit.  Skills + Needs of the World without a personal interest is a good recipe for becoming a martyr.  Interest + Needs of the World with no Skills is an empty do-gooder approach that may last for awhile but cannot bring about lasting, effective change where needed.

(3) Be willing to make a sacrifice to invest in yourself.  As noted above, simply being interested in something is not enough.  If a certain type of work interests you, be willing to take a good hard at your skills set compared to the required skills.  Don't be afraid to judge yourself harshly on this.  If what you are after is really, truly your purpose, you will do just fine with the hard work that it takes to develop the skills.  I teach a university course in HR Management to business professionals who are returning to school to get their BA degree.  I tell my students, "If you will just read HR Magazine from cover to cover faithfully every month, within 1 year you will know as much if not more than many of your HR peers."  They think I am kidding. I am not.  A person who invests in themselves by regularly reading industry and trade journals instead of skimming entertainment magazines or soft news is making an investment that will pay off significantly over time.  You will also learn a lot about whether you are on purpose with your work or not...if your industry and trade journals bore you, you may need to re-think what you are pursuing.

(4) Remember that purpose comes over time and don't get discouraged! In this regard, you may want to give up reading those "40 under 40" lists.  Many of the folks who appear on those lists are floundering in their career within a few years.  Many of the happiest, most successful people in their work are too busy working to market themselves for a spot on the lists.  And many folks find increasing purpose and contentment in their work throughout their 40's, 50's, and beyond.  Don't get caught up in manufactured time lines that don't reflect the reality of your own journey.

(5) Enjoy each phase of your purpose as it unfolds.  If you aren't sure what this means, listen to Mary Chapin Carpenter sing A Place in the World:

"Could be right before your very eyes; Just beyond a door that's open wide

Could be far away or in your own backyard; there are those who say you can look too hard;

For your place in the world.

"Takes some of us a little longer; A few false starts gonna make you stronger.

When I'm sure I've finally found it; Gonna wrap these arms all around it!"

Talk about someone who has found their purpose!  It is impossible not to be inspired when you hear her sing this.  Best wishes on the journey, and please leave comments to let us know if you have found your purpose, how you did it, and what your thoughts are for others on the journey!