Apologizing at Work - A True Story

I've written before about accepting responsibility and apologizing properly when you are wrong - here is a true story of this skill in action (note - all names changed to protect the innocent and the offenders)...

Rose is an HR Generalist who works in the HR department of a large manufacturing organization.  She was asked to serve on a cross-functional task force that had been assigned to streamline the recruiting process.  Among the members of the team were a Recruiter (Dan) and one of the Plant Managers (Randall)- both men in their 50's.  Rose was the youngest member of the team.  She often felt that she had to work harder than anyone else to have her voice heard and her ideas respected at meetings.  She compensated by adopting a serious, business-focused demeanor at work.  Rather than helping, it seemed to exacerbate the problem.  Once when she went to Dan's office to ask him a question about the candidate pipeline, he asked her about her boyfriend.  Rose was caught off guard by the question and declined to comment. Dan responded, "Well you don't have to be so stuck up all the time, I was just trying to be sociable." 

The situation came to a head at a meeting where Rose was presenting research she had done on drug-testing options for the plant employees.  She had facts and figures to demonstrate that if the process was outsourced (rather than being conducted by the plant nurse) that the company would ultimately save time and money.  In response to her information, Dan and Randall began making jokes about Rose's apparent knowledge of drug testing procedures.  When Rose tried to re-direct, Dan said, "Oh just go get a donut and settle down."  That's when Rose blew her stack.  In blunt language she informed Dan and Randall that she thought they were unprofessional and rude and she was surprised they were still employed.  They responded that they thought she was stuck up and overly intense.   The conversation ended when Rose, tears in her eyes, stormed out of the room.

She called me late that afternoon to ask what to do.  In my role I can sympathize to a point - but my real goal is to encourage.  I don't necessarily equate giving sympathy with heartening and supporting people in the quest to do the right thing.  So after some preliminary listening, I cut to the chase with some hard questions:

• Did your words move the project forward for the company?
• Did your words strengthen working relationships?
• Did you behave professionally? 
• Would you mentor a junior person to do what you did?
• Your feedback may have been fair but did you deliver it in a respectful and supportive manner?
• Ultimately, are you proud of how you acted?

The answer to every question was, of course, a resounding NO.  Seeing that she had been wrong (and the point here is not that others had been wrong, but that she had been wrong) Rose knew that she owed an apology to her co-workers.  We talked it over and agreed that the situation would be exaggerated by another face-to-face meeting and that e-mail would be an acceptable means of apology.  Because e-mail can be saved and forwarded it was crucial that the wording be carefully crafted and that the meaning be clear with no potential for reading sarcasm between the lines.  It must also seek to repair the working relationship so that the project could move forward again. Rose ultimately wrote:

Dan and Randall - I would like to apologize to you for my comments at the end of yesterday's meeting.  I acted unprofessionally and I am sorry.  I am committed to the success of this project and look forward to working together to move it forward.

By being swift and unequivocal in her apology, Rose cut off any potential gossip about her mistake at the meeting (and she did own the mistake for blowing up).  By being forward-looking, she took the spotlight off herself and back to the correct focus for the workplace - the success of the company. 

This story ends well.  Randall sent a very nice note back to Rose apologizing for his own part in the drama and also suggesting that he would like to move forward productively.  Dan?  Well - he just sent back a one-liner saying, "Forget about it - go get a donut!"  But most importantly, Rose's boss told her that she appreciated the professional way Rose owned up to her mistake and she admired Rose's candor and commitment.  Believe me, bosses hate to have to "have a talk" in situations like this, so when employees solve it themselves in a professional manner, it saves time and heartache for everyone involved. 

The moral of the story is - when you are wrong, own it, apologize swiftly and unequivocally, and move on!

Comments

[almostgotit]

... and trust that ol' Dan will almost certainly meet his own donut before too much longer... (esp if the boss is a "She" -- how wonderful!)

[Generic Viagra]

I have to say that apologizing means that you are humble and that you recognize your own mistakes. Someone who doesn't do it, just tells me that is not someone who cares about his job and the others.

[adultpornomovies]

some university program talking about being a 'fragrance-free' work environment.