Never Respond to Pressure

The other day I was driving downtown to a client meeting.  As I approached a major intersection I noticed a panhandler with a sign jumping up and down at the corner.  As I got closer I could hear him verbally assaulting the cars that went by: "C'mon!  Give something!  What's wrong with you?"  As luck would have it, the light turned red and I stopped at the corner beside him.  He came over to the car and began yelling at me, " C'mon, help me out!  You KNOW you have money to give!  Why don't you share?" 

Here's the thing.  I am a relatively soft touch.  I don't care if your sign says you're disabled, a homeless vet, or a traveler whose luggage was stolen.  If you are willing to stand in the hot sun (or freezing rain) on a loud, dirty street corner asking strangers for help, then I figure you have more needs that I do.  So I will usually give $2 to $5 depending on what I have in the change compartment of my vehicle (assuming of course I have the money to spare and I am in a situation where my physical safety is not compromised.)  I also try - if time permits - to ask how they are and to say something encouraging.  So in this case, the man yelling at me was only harming his own goals.  I would have helped him had he not pressured me so.  As it was, he scared me so I kept the window up and moved on as fast as possible.

It reminded me of something a wise mentor in my career has often said:

"Don't respond to pressure.  Don't respond to people who pressure you, and don't be guilty of pressuring others.  It's bad for business and it's bad for relationships."

She has reminded me of this advice often over the past couple of years as I have taken on leadership roles in various projects and committees.  Sometimes in my zeal for a particular idea or my drive to get to results, I forget to do the necessary consensus building.  The result is always the same, the "victory" (if I achieve it) isn't as fulfilling as I expected, and I end up second guessing myself as to whether I've offended anyone along the way.  Believe me, there is nothing like the act of second-guessing yourself to burn up time and energy and distract you from worthwhile activities!

I've been working hard in the past few months to follow her advice.  When I feel myself being pressured, or I sense that I am moving to pressure someone, I try to step back and ask myself a few questions:

• What is the larger goal here? 
• What is the smaller goal that I am forcing on the way to the larger goal? 
• How does this smaller goal benefit me? 
• Why do I feel like I have to do it this way?
• Why am I scared to keep my focus on the larger goal?
• What is the process that will best get me to the larger goal? 
• What am I doing right now to short-circuit the process? 
• Why am I feeling compelled to circumvent the process? 
• Does a decision really need to be made right now? 
• Etc.

Usually, before I am halfway through these questions I realize that I am applying pressure because:

1. I am trying to control the outcome; or
2. I am being lazy.

Both of these are counter-productive attitudes in the business world.  When I let go of the outcome and focus instead on doing good quality work, the outcome usually takes care of itself.  Often, he outcome is higher quality than I could have planned if I focused exclusively on it, and didn't pay attention to process steps like consensus building.  It's obviously more effort to work through processes with people than to just slam dunk a decision.

The man at the corner the other day applied pressure.  Rather than following an accepted process for panhandling (i.e., at least as is done in our town, standing quietly with an explanatory sign) he applied pressure by screaming and being physically intimidating.  In his case, it turned to be bad for our relationship and bad for his business.

Comments

[adultpornomovies]

HR professional I want employees to feel they can come