Job Search Rule #14 - Accept Rejection Gracefully

Rejection is a big part of the job search game, so it's best to learn how to handle it professionally and gracefully as soon as possible.  Why does rejection have to be such a big part of the job search game?  Because landing a new job is much more about making a good match than it is about securing your next paycheck.  Candidates who understand this perspective will have a more successful job search and long-term career.

Why is it so important to handle rejection gracefully?  Two reasons:

1. People will remember you
2. People may be in a position to help you one day and you want them to remember you favorably.

I am reminded of a fellow that I interviewed for an ad sales role a couple of years ago.  "Paul"did a great job in the interviews with me and with the Hiring Manager.  He was one of the top two candidates that we had meet with the executive leader of the team.  Frankly, he was first choice going into that session.  But the job search is all about the match, and in this case the Executive leader felt that the other candidate was a better long-term match with where the company was headed (he was right, of course - she's done a fantastic job in the role).   

Anyway, I was the one to call Paul and give him the news.  The conversation went like this:

Me:  Thank you so much for your time and interest in this position.  It was a tough call, but we've decided to offer the job to a candidate who is a closer match for the department at this time.

Paul:  You're kidding!

Me (a bit surprised):  I'm sorry, I know that's not what you were hoping I would say.

Paul (clearly upset):  I just can't believe it.  The interview with (executive) went great.  I thought for sure I was firing on all pistons.  I just can't believe you took up all my time for nothing

Me (to Paul):  It was a tough decision but we have selected the other candidate. 

Me (to self):  Boy did we make the right call on this one!

Paul (clearly upset):  I've been in 3 times for interviews.  I've invested a lot in your company already.  I just can't believe you took up all my time for nothing...

Me (firmly):  Again, I'm sorry and we do appreciate your time you've given us. 

And then I hung up the phone. Whew!  But here's the rest of the story that Paul will never know...

The next day - the very next day - an HR colleague from a similar firm called me and said, "We have an immediate need for an ad sales rep.  I noticed you just did a search.  Did you have any strong candidates that you're not hiring that you would be willing to share with me?"  I thought about it for half an second, and then said, "I'm sorry, we don't.  We really only had one strong candidate and we hired her.  I don't think you'd be interested in the others."  There was no way I could afford to risk my professional reputation by referring a loose cannon like Paul on to her.

So how can you handle a rejection gracefully when you are feeling stressed out about your search?  Follow the same steps you would to build collegial relationships in every situation.

• First, don't be desperate.
• Do be compassionate!  I know it's hard, but try to understand that the person delivering this news to you doesn't enjoy having to let you down.
• Do thank the interviewer for his/her time and for the opportunity.
• Don't ask exhaustive questions about why you didn't get the job and others did.  9 out of 10 times it's not about you at all - it's about finding the right match. 
• Do congratulate the HR rep/Hiring Manager/Recruiter on successfully concluding the search and wish them well. 

I have had to deliver the "I'm sorry, but we picked someone else..." message enough during my career that I can confidently assure you that they will remember you favorably if you accept the rejection gracefully, and most will help you if they have an opportunity to do do.

For more information on this topic, check out this great tip sheet on Bouncing Back from a Job Rejection by Julie Moore Rapacki of a coaching firm called Polish Your Star.

Good luck!

Comments

[Danny Ta]

Boy am I glad that I found this blog because I'm freaking out about an upcoming interview and a lot of what I'm reading (particularly the job search rules)

Thank you very much for sharing all of this great advice and knowledge :)

Take care!

Danny

[almostgotit]

Oh, this is a hard one. Poor "Paul" -- I sure can relate! But yes, in these cases it is just vital to suck it up and be a good sport (you can scream and cry and hit things later!!)

It's good to hear from the HR professional that good things may come of it later. What a nice affirmation and consolation when it FEELS like you've just been punched in the stomach!

And in the meantime there are several other good reasons to hold it together after a rejection:

a) Yes, *DO* try to imagine how difficult it is to tell a good candidate -- and if you made it to the interview stage, you *are* good -- that he/she didn't get the job. I sure wouldn't want to do it.

b) You deserve to feel proud of yourself. It was a compliment to get an interview, and a nice feeling to hold on to if you felt it went well. Why not give it a real classy finish, too? Even if nothing comes of it, YOU'LL know there are no flies on you!!

c) It's all practice. If you can cover all these bases with good grace, you'll do better and better in future interviews... and be better at working with people once you're hired, so you can get *promotions*, too!

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