Yesterday I advised you not to be desperate when talking to recruiters and hiring managers. It's good advice, but it begs the question: What should you do when you feel desperate about your job search?
As I mentioned yesterday, this is a perfectly normal way to feel when your livelihood is threatened, so it makes good sense to have a plan to deal with it when the desperation hits. My favorite way of dealing with it is to rely on my circle of bright and talented friends. You can do this by:
- First, know who your encouragers are. Everyone should have at least 5 people in their life that they can count on for encouragement. Who are your encouragers? Who can you call at 7 in the morning, or 10 at night when you need a boost?
- Second, ask for encouragement. When I call one of my encouragers I start off right away with "I really need some encouragement right now." I have been blessed with good friends who go right into listening mode and let me share what's got me scared or down.
- Third, listen for the encouragement. Once I've asked a friend for encouragement, I know I need to listen to the response I get. If I feel like I'm incompetent and failing, and my friend is saying, "Oh you are good at this and this..." it's important that I listen. It's tempting to say, "oh, I'm really not that good..." but that's just being disagreeable. And why would they continue to encourage me if I am disagreeable?
- Fourth, commit to taking action on the advice you receive. I have a friend who very often will tell me, "Hmmm, it sounds like you're kind of over focused on that issue, and you may want to think about [this] for a bit..." It does me no good to call her if I can't take that advice to heart and change my behaviors.
- Finally, share the love - meaning when you are feeling whole and strong, be sure to keep your eyes open for opportunities to encourage others. If you do this, you will increase your own feeling of competence, and you will also increase the circle of people who want to encourage you.
I'd like to make one final comment here - if you have been feeling desperate and/or discouraged about your work for more than two weeks, or if people close to you have commented that you seem unusually down, the following resources may be helpful:
- Check out a great book by Henry Emmons: The Chemistry of Joy: A Three-Step Program for Overcoming Depression Through Western Science and Eastern Wisdom
. Emmons offers a holistic program for stabilizing and building our mental health and fortitude.
- Check out the resources at the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety.
- Don't be afraid to seek professional help. Many times employees who are laid off still have access to their Employee Assistance Provider. You can call a counselor for free, confidential help and support.
Best wishes!!
some good ideas about sustaining hope and confidence enroute to the next exciting opportunity. Check my blog to dialogue on finding meaningful work. http://meaningfulworklife.blogspot.com/
____________The Encourager says...
Thanks for your positive words. I checked out your blog and it sounds like you are on a interesting path of self discovery. A great book that may be relevant to you at this time by Richard Leider is "Unpacking Your Bags."
Best wishes on your journey!
- CEO
(Chief Encouragement Officer)
Posted by: Inertia | March 06, 2007 at 12:30 PM